New Muslim Cool

View this amazing video in full here.
Go Brother Hamza (Jason Perez) and Sister Rafiah!


I love love love this video... I saw it on PBS last night and had to blog it.

Bloggy Badge and Moving

I recently saw this neat little badge that some Muslima sisters are putting on their blogs. It says: I support all Muslima bloggers. While at first glance that sounds sweet, I have recently come upon one or two Muslima bloggers whose points-of-view I could not support all the time, so I decided against pasting it in my side bar. I wish I could say I support and agree with all of them, but I can't, so no "All Muslimah's" bloggy badge here.
I'm sorry, but marital problems with Muslim husbands does not mean Islam is bad, or that all Arabs or all Muslims are equally as bad. If that were true, then all the married couples who are not Muslims would be blissfully happy in their marriages and they would never have marital problems or get divorced. My point, all people are people, and bad marriages are a reality in all societies regardless of religion. Why else would there be a need for marriage counselors, divorce lawyers and even battered women's shelters in every town and city across the USA? If they were not needed in the non-Muslim society, they would not be in business. I know everyone's blog is a sacred space for free speech and all that. Well, this is my blog and I am using it for my freedom of speech too, by not opting to claim to support all Muslimahs and the dirty laundry a few of them reveal online about their marital problems. That's what marriage counselors, personal therapists, divorce lawyers, and in extreme cases, women's shelters, are for.

Click here to listen to the beautiful Ms. Latifah's song UNGRATEFUL. Tell it sister!
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I just have so many things to do for our impending move. Technically we have until July 5 to finish the switch, but I want to get it over with as soon as possible. I don't know how long we will be offline. It could be a relatively short time, but it could also be a while. We just don't like the geography of our current apartment complex that much. I'm going to miss all you girls until we get back online.

Award Ceremony (Finally)

My sweet Little Sis @ NaiLz-iN-AuS passed this nice award on to me. Thanks, Little Sis, you are a doll.



The rules:

1. Write five (5) interesting facts about the person who gave you this award.

2. Jot down ten (10) interesting facts about yourself or your hobbies.

3. Pick your ten (10) most deserving recipients and describe them.

4. Leave a comment on the recipients' blog to tell them they've been tagged.

5. Paste the award badge in your side bar.



About Her:

1. Little Sis lives in Australia, and she is living Saturday while I am still living Friday.

2. Her blog is all about nail art.

3. She chose Islam on her own when she was only sixteen.

4. She is a kind hearted person.

5. Little Sis loves colorful and sparkly things, I can tell by her nail art.



About Me:

1. I love craft projects, I just can't do many right now because my toddlers would interfere. I like to cut pictures from magazines and create themed collages in large cheap poster frames to hang on the wall. This is one I want to do with my kids when they get bigger.

2. I am a college educated SAHM.

3. I believe an educated Mama has more to give to her children, but that does not necessarily mean it has to be a formal education. There are libraries and online books available for free, to those who seek to self-educate.

4. My latest hobby is cooking and working on my recipe blog, because my family needs to eat, and I put a lot of thought into the nutritional value of the menu I offer them.

5. I began practicing Islam when I was a Junior in college, and I was 26 years old.

6. I like to watch foreign films either in English or in foreign languages, with English subtitles.

7. Hair accessories make amazing hijab accessories, hair chopsticks or hair holders are beautiful on a long, shayla style scarf when it's wrapped around and gathered, like a pony tail or a bun, at the back of the neck.

8. I like to wear all kinds of pins on my scarves, old pins, new pins, hat pins, any pins I don't expect to see anyone else wear.

9. I like to wear things that are unique, and not the same as what everyone else is wearing, as long as it complies with my need to conceal my figure for religious reasons.

10. I started a business when I was nineteen years old. It is a greenhouse and nursery that has multiplied into a flourishing business that now sustains my parents and my siblings who still live at home. I used to sleep on a cot in the greenhouse because I had to get up so often to put wood in the stove that kept the plants warm in the winter time. One time I covered myself with too many blankets and the fire went out and froze some of my babies. After that, I only covered myself with one blanket because I would wake up from the cold, and feed the fire, before it got cold enough to freeze the plants.


1. Hajar @ A Voice in the Clouds because your blog really is Uber Cool. The way you express your thoughts literally feels like a voice coming out of the clouds.



2. Ahavah @ Recovering Christians because your personality radiates Uber Cool-ness through your blog. You are also a Sister in prayer and that is especially Uber Cool.



3. X L @ Somersaults in the Sand, you write a lot about cultural anthropology and related topics. This is what makes your blog Uber Cool.



4. Ms. Modest @ Modest Fashion Cents, Your blog is Uber Cool, because no other blog that I know of, provides fashion "Do's and Don'ts" for those of us who dress modestly. We needed a fashion consultant for modest sisters. Thanks.



5. Leandra @ Living Away, your blog is so Uber Cool because you write about the various countries, continents and cultures you visit and experience in a friendly and sincere manner.



6. Amy @ Clothesline Alley your blog is Uber Cool because it provides an insight into the lives of military families and your eloquence allows your readers to have a better idea what mixed feelings you have about it. It's hard for people who are not involved with the military to empathize with you unless you tell us about it. I thank you for trying to do that in a way that feels comfortable to you.



7. Eli @ Help the Truth your blog is Uber Cool because you have an intelligent and articulate way of using literature to point out logical reasons for modesty and other habits that benefit women in particular.



8. Lisa M. @ Those Head Coverings, you have got a good thing going. I think that the topic of this blog is just Uber Cool because you provide links and information about all kinds of different head coverings, religion-based ones as well as other fashion and medical head coverings. You even provide links and info about both positive and negative opinions regarding the practice of head covering, this also contributes to the Uber Cool quality of your blog.



9. Seeking the Narrow Way your blog is Uber Cool because you provide wonderful step-by-step recipes and projects that can enhance the experience of every home-maker. I also enjoy your posts about religious rituals that are meaningful to you.



10. Masooma @ Letters to the Imam because I think this is a fabulous topic for a blog. I love it, because it is Uber Cool.



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Helene awarded me this cute "If Life Hands you Lemons" award awhile ago, so now I finally want to pass it on.


1. I want to give it to Masooma @ Otowi . I think this award is appropriate for you because you have gone through more than one bag of lemons, but you set up your hypothetical lemonade stand and kept on going. Sis, you are an inspiration to me.



2. I also want to pass this one on to Katie @ Arrived Together, Friends Forever: Natalie and Aiden because you are making lemonade as we speak. Big hugs sweetie, I empathize with your situation.

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These three thoughtful awards were passed on to me awhile ago, by Hajar @ A Voice in the Clouds. Thank you, Sis. Sorry it took me so long to get around to passing them on.


I am passing the Beautiful Girls Award award on to:


1. NaiLz-iN-AuS because you are a girl with a beautiful heart who likes beautiful nails.


2. Twenny @ Twenny-Two because you are an honest and sincere girl, and that makes you beautiful.

3. Lacy @ A Godly Maiden because you are simply beautiful. Your simplicity and intelligence are admirable traits in a beautiful girl

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I am passing the One Lovely Blog Award on to:

...everyone else who reads my blog and whom I have not awarded any other award yet. I don't want to leave anyone out because you all know I love you each.

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I want to pass the Companion Award on to:

1. Helene @ I am Living Proof That God Has a Sense of Humor, because you are a companion blogger, as well as a companion in mothering multiples. Thank you for your friendship and your thoughtful comments on my blog.

2. Christa @ "Two" Much of Something is a Good Thing because you are also a companion in mothering twins. I also admire you for your spirituality and the faith-based discussions we have had.

3. Kari @ Mothering my Miracle Multiples because you are also one of my multiple mothering companions. Thank you for your friendship and for blogging such helpful tips and hints about your favorite online store for natural bath products.

Anyone else who is a Mom of Multiples, this award is also for you, even though I have not named you here.

I dreamed:

I was giving a lecture on Lady Fatima (a.s.), daughter of Prophet Muhammed, to a great number of Muslims. I walked along streets full of Muslims, talking. By talking while walking through the streets, I was trying to drive home the point that Lady Zaynab (a.s.), daughter of Lady Fatima, used to give sermons in the street. She did this after her brother, Imam Hussein (a.s.), son of Lady Fatima, and his male supporters were massacred by enemies of Islam (who had the nerve to call themselves Muslims). I kept thinking, "I hope they get the point I'm trying to convey."

8 Things Meme

Thank you Ahavah @ Recovering Christians for tagging me for this meme. I would have tagged you, but you already did this one. ;>}

8 things I am looking forward to:



1. fitting into clothing I had almost given up ever wearing again

2. making new friends

3. learning new recipes

4. potty training, meaning "no more grimy diapers to change"

5. moving into our new apartment

6. what new words the babies are going to learn next

7. going to sleep

8. losing the next increment of 10 pounds


8 things I wish I could do:



1. cook like my mother

2. be the change I wish to see in the world

3. teach my children to love, honor and obey God

4. help someone in need

5. have lots of children

6. live on a farm with some chickens and a cow and a magnificent garden

7. make every country safe and pleasant to live in

8. keep my family happy forever


8 things I love:

1. God

2. my children

3. my husband

4. whole foods

5. writing / blogging

6. head coverings

7. friends

8. the air I breathe


8 things I did yesterday:

1. made sweet potato biscuits

2. fasted and prayed

3. blogged

4. watched TV

5. made salad

6. changed diapers

7. read to my boys

8. picked up the toys and vaccumed


8 Shows I watch:

1. 30 minute meals, with Rachel Ray

2. Paula's Kitchen, with Paula Dean

3. Throw Down, with Bobby Flay

4. Frazier

5. Seinfeld

6. Golden Girls

7. Barney

8. Sesame Street


8 people that I tag

I love everyone on my followers list, and I also love everyone on my blogroll, therefore, selecting 8 people to tag was tough. I selected the following 8 ladies because they, among others, have all inspired me profoundly recently. Thank you girls, I hope you like this meme.

1. Ms. Modest Fashion Cents

2. A Covered Sister

3. Christa @ CBR Family

4. Eli @ Help The Truth

5. The Revert's Secret

6. Xey @ Somersaults in the Sand

7. Hajar @ A Voice in the Clouds

8. Nailz-in-Aus

i nEEDED A lAUGH, sO i gOOGLED fOR oNE

Laughter Yoga





Forwarded Funnies: Horse's Posterior


THREE SURGEONS

Three famous surgeons were trying to impress one another by bragging about their skills.
‘A man came to me, who had his hand cut off,’ said the first one, ‘today that man is a concert violinist.’
‘That’s nothing.’ said the second one, ‘A guy came to me who had both of his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner.’
‘Ha ha ha, I can top both of you.’ said the third, ‘One day I came upon the scene of a terrible car accident. There was nothing left but a horse’s posterior and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in the United States senate.’

Defending the Women's Rights

Here is an excerpt from this online book at Rafed

b. Economic activities : Women have the right to participate in economic and commercial fields, exactly as men do. In Europe, women were given the right of commercial activities only after centuries, not for their own sake, but for the capitalism purposes. "... The industrial revolution industrialized woman too...Women were cheaper workers, thus the employers preferred them to tough high-wage men ... The first law for freedom of our mothers was the 1882 law. According to this law, British women got extraordinary privileges. They could keep their wages for themselves. Factory owners in the House of Commons ratified this law to absorb women to their factories ..." 1

Centuries before Europe's giving privilege to women, Islam had granted rights to Muslim women, not for materialistic but for humane purposes. Islam permits women to work outside home and possess their own salary. Women can make a will and inherit from others. They can make any economic attempt, invest, and establish farms and factories. These issues are derived from the Islamic teachings and explicitly defined in our Islamic law (Fiqh).

The mottos of freedom and equality should not undermine this great mission of motherhood. All logical scholars are concerned about family issues and woman's role in family, so that the family does not dismantle and woman plays her role inside it. They are worried that woman accepts
manly responsibilities and forgets her own mission; a mission greater than manly works and imitating the male gender."... Those who speak about woman's freedom should know that a complete woman is more vital than an incomplete man ... If the nature seems unable to maintain the family and the child, it is because women have for some time forgotten the nature. But the defeat of nature does not last forever. 1"

In fact, the blind blending of man and woman's missions is the result of the male prejudice, which considers the male gender more valuable. It tries to provoke women to think, work, and have emotions and roles like men. This is really an insult to women, because maleness is considered a value.

Fixin' to Move Again...

...though we'll still be in Arkansas.

We found an apartment we like better, so we're getting ready to move at the end of the month. Yummy. So my blogging may come to a stand-still for a while. I need a break anyway.

I went to the doctor on Wednesday. He said the pain I've been experiencing is caused by my hernia. So, keep losing weight and exercise again, only this time, gradually increase my stamina instead of rushing head-first into it. I've lost 14 pounds since my last doctor visit, so that was good news, alhamdulillah.

I have so many blogging topics floating around my mind, but can't seem to get motivated to do the necessary background work. Oh well, eventually I'll probably do them. I don't enjoy blogging about day-to-day activities all the time. I am a thinker and I want to blog about things that require a little brain crunch sometimes.

States I Have Visited

visited 23 states (46%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or website vertaling duits?

A Head Covering Cultural Nomad

Although Old Order Mennonite and Amish are technically Americans, their culture is as foreign to mainstream American as the most exotic foreign country. All little girls are raised with the concept that covering their hair is a mandate from God, to show their subjection before men and God. My whole childhood I never really contemplated it, it was just the way things were. Grown women who have joined the church cover their hair with a little white cap day and night, seven days a week, 365 days a year. Little girls wear white caps to go to church on Sundays, and they wear sunbonnets in different colors when they leave their farms, to go visit neighbors or go to town, and on top of their white caps on Sundays, for the carriage ride to church. The mothers and older girls who are church members wear black bonnets over their little white caps to go out. The practice of covering is such an automatic part of their lives that most of the young girls don't really question it. Those to whom it does occur to question aren't really given a deep spiritual explanation. They do it because they have to. It is part of their culture.

When I left home at nearly twenty-two years old, it had nothing to do with the way we dressed, or didn't dress. I left because I knew that their faith is not mine. Meaning I did not, of my own free-will choose this religion. It had been rigorously mapped out to the tiniest itty bitty detail since before I was born. I was expected to conform, automatically, without question, like stiff clay being pressed, pounded and forced into a mold. Not all Mennonites and Amish are that inflexible, but the tribe I am from is mostly like that. Even if their brother molests or rapes their daughter, they have no recourse. No way to get justice, because they are not allowed to take people to court. So the epidemic is swept under the rug and the girls are told to forget about it, be quiet, never talk about it. Even the grandmothers who were molested by their brothers or uncles tell the little girls to be quiet, to forgive, not to rock the boat, not to "cause trouble." I'm sorry but I believe that those who break the laws of the land should expect to be punished by the laws of the land, and not expect protection by the elders in the society. But then, most of the elders probably fail to fathom the monstrosity of this crime because they have done it too. What can I do? I can not be quiet about such a momentous crime. Likewise, if their husbands abuse them, or their children or he rapes or molests anyone, the wives have no recourse. They are to be in a state of subjection before their husbands and before God at all times. Because Eve is the one who sinned, and Adam followed her into temptation.

I tried to leave home so many times it isn't funny. Every time I planned my escape, my father did something to prevent it. He used to threaten to kick me out of the house if I do such and such, so I decided it was best for me to leave voluntarily. Yet, every time I arranged to do so, my father interfered and basically held me hostage. Finally I sneaked away. A really close friend of the family had an idea that something was wrong, so she told me that if I ever want to leave, she will help me. I was over eighteen, so there was no way that any police would force me to go back, and I let my family know where I was at all times. When I left home my mother accused me of abandoning God, and I assured her this is simply not true. "I'm sure I will find a church I will stay with," I said. I was sure of that. I also knew that I wanted to go to college. I had a recurring nightmare for a long time after I finally accomplished my escape, in it I always went to visit my family and my father locked me up and would not let me leave. This is happening in America y'all, to little white girls, not in some foreign country where everyone is automatically evil and bad because "they do not look like us."

It took me four years of searching, experimenting, soul searching and dressing the way the mainstream told me was "right." My friends called me Satan, because I told them "if I'm going to sin, I'm going to sin right." I wore the shortest shorts, the sheerest tops, and partied like the rest of the people I met at work and in college. In college I gravitated towards the tormented, arty crowd. It was a small school, and everyone knew everyone else, but we still had the athletes and their followers and the arty group with their groupies. I loved my friends, they were a diverse group of kids who liked to ride around in smoke-filled cars (ahem, like Bill Clinton, I smoked, but I didn't inhale *blush*). I miss them, I wonder what they are doing now that we are "all grown up." I really like and value some things about the mainstream culture. I like my access to education and employment and my freedom to pursue God on my own and practice the religion of my choice. I also liked being able to meet people from any culture on earth, and listen to THEM tell it the way they have seen it with their own eyes, and then deciding what to take, and what to leave.

I went to various mainstream churches, Baptist, Methodist, Pentecostal, and so on. After four years of seeking and visiting different churches, I came to the absolute conclusion that none of them were right. I hated the way I felt, trying to emulate the way the women were supposed to behave. I hated the way too many mainstream men treated women too. I heard mainstream men call their girlfriends and wives bitches to their faces and treat them like nothing more than a piece of meat. They show off pictures of their wives' private parts to co-workers and other guy friends, and they beat their wives and girlfriends black and blue and expect them to come crawling back for more. Cheating on their wives and girlfriends is as natural to them as eating when they are hungry. These are things I saw with my own eyes. The judicial system may or may not provide justice to victims of rape, the first question a rape victim is asked, "what were you wearing?" which is what they mean when they say, "show us the clothes you had on when it happened." Hypocritical, considering mainstream women are expected and encouraged to flaunt it if they've got it, regardless of the negative effects it has on themselves or anyone else.

By the end of the fourth year of investigating the world for myself, I reached the conclusion that I believe in God, I just don't believe in any church. At that point I met a group of Iraqi guys and I approached them the same way I approached everyone else I met: with an open mind. I was surprised by how kind and polite they were. I had never met any Muslims before, but I had certainly seen some radical Islamic [punks] clerics on television, defending female genital mutilation, no less! Other than that misleading episode I had seen on television I knew nothing about Islam.

One of the guys I met that day became my first husband. I made no secret of the fact that if he ever hit me I would go live in the street before I stayed with him another minute. I interrogated him about Islam constantly, I'm sure he felt like he had married an FBI agent. LOL! But he was so consistent in his prayers, eating only halal meat, and fasting in the month of Ramadhan. Out of respect for his religion, I didn't keep pork in the house. I quit drinking because he didn't drink and I wanted him to respect me. Drinking wasn't fun anyway, it just made me sick and gave me a hang-over the next day. I simply watched him quietly practice Islam as part of his daily routine. He never suggested I should convert, or change the way I dressed at that time, except when Ramadhan came he asked me not to wear shorts in front of his friends. They were fasting, and part of fasting is to abstain from having sexual thoughts or actions. So, I didn't wear shorts in front of them during The Holy Month because I didn't want to interfere with their obvious spirituality. They were all so polite and respectful towards me, I would have felt bad not being polite in return.

I asked my ex one day if they don't believe in Jesus, and his answer to me was "if Jesus is God's son, then you already have a God, so if Jesus is God, then you have two Gods." That floored me, because one of the unanswered questions I had while I was a Christian, was "If we can pray to either Jesus, or to God, and it ultimately goes to the same place, why don't we also pray to the holy spirit, since he is the third person / part of God?" Whom are we supposed to pray to? If we pray to one, then we are neglecting the other two equal parts of God, but if we pray to each one separately, that would mean we were praying to three different entities!" Jesus was created by God, and he did the Will of God, His creator, but he was not God Himself. When Christmas came around, he asked me what I want for Christmas and I told him I want a Qur'an in English, so I can read it for myself. I could not find anything in it that I disagreed with, in fact, it reinforced many things I already believed. I believed that God is ONE, solo, omnipotent being, and that is what the Qur'an said. I also did not believe that being born into a religion automatically saved a person, it had to be a matter of choice based on personal faith. I also did not believe that there is only one right religion, while everyone else is condemned to hell and that was also reinforced by the Qur'an. It says:


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YUSUFALI: Those who believe (in the Qur'an), and those who follow the Jewish (scriptures), and the Christians and the Sabians,- any who believe in Allah and the Last Day, and work righteousness, shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.
PICKTHAL: Lo! Those who believe (in that which is revealed unto thee, Muhammad), and those who are Jews, and Christians, and Sabaeans - whoever believeth in Allah and the Last Day and doeth right - surely their reward is with their Lord, and there shall no fear come upon them neither shall they grieve.
SHAKIR: Surely those who believe, and those who are Jews, and the Christians, and the Sabians, whoever believes in Allah and the Last day and does good, they shall have their reward from their Lord, and there is no fear for them, nor shall they grieve.
After eight months of studying and reflecting and praying, I knew which religion God wanted for me. It came down to the head covering. I read about it in the Qur'an, and I read about it in the Bible, and I knew that it was what God wanted from a woman who professed to be one of his believers. For three days I writhed within myself, I couldn't sleep and I couldn't concentrate on anything else. Finally on the third day I made up my mind, "if I'm going to call myself a Muslim, I'm going to do it right." So I put on a scarf and I gave my allegiance to Allah, Prophet Muhammed, and his progeny.

I was amazed at the difference that little piece of cloth made in how I felt about myself. I hadn't covered my hair for four years, and I didn't want to, based on my past experience, but this was something unexpected. This was, I learned, something that would give me the self-respect I needed, and it also brought me more respect from other people. Only an occasional jerk made a rude comment about it, until after September 11, 2001. Then the knee-jerk reactions to it were more frequently of the negative sort, but I am grateful to be able to help educate people who have had little or no previous knowledge about Islam. At my various jobs my non-Muslim co-workers often came to me with their personal problems, women showed me the bruises that their boyfriends gave them, when they beat them. They came to me for consolation and for advice on a thousand different issues. Of course I'm sure I didn't always have an answer, but I listened with compassion, which is probably all they were really wanting anyway. Without my scarf they would never have recognized me as a spiritual person whom they can respect and confide in.

Although my first marriage did not survive, I had found lasting peace with my God and myself. I pray that Allah will forgive my ex-husband and myself for our sins. I have actually read the bible more and have understood it better since I became a Muslim. In fact, I even researched and read some of the history of the Old Order Mennonites and Amish that the contemporary elders have neglected to disseminate. I read books like The Martyr's Mirror and websites like Religious Tolerance. My eyes have been opened, and I fully understand why:

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YUSUFALI: Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.
PICKTHAL: There is no compulsion in religion. The right direction is henceforth distinct from error. And he who rejecteth false deities and believeth in Allah hath grasped a firm handhold which will never break. Allah is Hearer, Knower.
SHAKIR: There is no compulsion in religion; truly the right way has become clearly distinct from error; therefore, whoever disbelieves in the Shaitan and believes in Allah he indeed has laid hold on the firmest handle, which shall not break off, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing.

I love the unique perspective of being a head covering Muslim woman, in spite of all the opposition I face in the post 9/11 era. Allah has blessed me so much and saved me from my own sinful self and the path of self destruction I was on. While I am sure that He saved me because I was worth saving, I don't believe that "I have arrived." In other words, it is now my obligation to be a good example, to try to conduct myself with the good manners and introspect that was characteristic of Prophet Muhammed and his family. Furthermore, I am compelled to try to be a shining reflection of them to the diverse array of people I meet as well as my family members, in order to provide them with a living, breathing example of what it means to be a Shia Muslim woman. The magnitude of this responsibility is humbling, considering the odds. May my God forgive my sins, and the sins of all others who sincerely seek to please Him. Insha Allah, God Willing.


Here is a link to the beautiful post at Clothesline Alley, Amy wrote an inspiring post on the subject of head covering and here is also a related post from Eli at Help The Truth.

John

A short piece of fiction.

I slowly take a drag on the tenth cigarette of my chain. I inhale the hot, bittersweet smoke deeply into my chest, hold it until I think my lungs are going to burst. Exhale slowly, watching the smoke expand the cloud I've already emitted into the dark, wet rain-logged air. I take another gulp from my Bud Light and toss the empty glass bottle into the garbage can beside me. I can't help marinading my liver, I must do it, otherwise I might have to listen to the voices in my head. Wait! Those voices are not in my head, it's those cute kids who live next door. I pick myself off the wall that holds me up to get a closer look, hoping they'll smile. No one ever smiles at me unless they want something from me, but those kids? They are something else.

As they pass the corner of my patio fence I feast my eyes on their little faces. "Hi," I say, smiling. Sure enough, they smile, like little angels. Their innocent grins spread from curl covered ear to curl covered ear. Their dark eyes are full of light, and life. Maybe tonight I will finally have sweet dreams when I fall, comatose, into my lonesome bed. "Come this way boys," their Mama averts her eyes, but that thing on her head does not hide the suspicion in her body language. She grabs their hands protectively and hurries them quickly into their apartment and shuts the door pointedly behind her. I turn to go back inside. I wipe down every hard surface in my place, it isn't much, but it's mine, and it's clutter-free. Pretty soon the familiar smell of the Clorox wipes fills both rooms, and the bathroom. My years in the army have taught me that much. A soldier must be neat. A soldier does not live in clutter. I wipe the bathroom counter, and the face in my mirror is like a stranger looking back at me. I stare intently, "Who are you?" I ask the tan, scrawny, gray-haired dude with a short, military haircut, wearing a gray army T-shirt and khaki shorts. The light in his eyes has gone out eons ago. All I see in it's place are these two long ice-blue tunnels with a black hole at the end of each one.

I take another beer from the fridge and gulp it in between re-folding my T-shirts and re-organizing my socks in their drawers. I have to keep moving, as long as I don't sit down I won't relive those horrible days in the desert. In the desert, in the desert...the bloody, hot, smoky, desert where the smell of rotting corpses is inescapable. Where dirty children play with parts of the bombs that killed most of their veiled mothers and aunties and their baby sisters and their baby brothers. I always pretended I didn't know what was happening to their fathers in those filthy prisons, but I knew. I try to forget, but I can't wipe the memory of those screams out of my brain.

Dirty little boys like the ones who live next door, like the ones who live...only they aren't dirty because their Mama is still here to wash them. Beth used to wash mine too, only I haven't seen Scotty or John Jr or little Isabella lately. Not since that day. In fact, they must all be teenagers now. I never meant to break Beth's arm when I killed the dog, he just wouldn't shut up... and Beth, well, she should have stayed out of my way. I would never have broken her arm if she had just stayed out of my way. It was between me and the dog. She should have let me do my business. Now I don't have a house. I don't have a wife, and I sure don't have any children. Except for the ones who live next door. They are close enough, but not too close. Dogs are dispensable, just like Iraqis. I wonder where the little family next door is from? I know they are Muslims too, but I'm sure they are not from Iraq. Surely not. Nope, not possible, that Mama just speaks English too well.

I open the freezer to get a fresh pack of cigarettes and bend over to get another beer from the fridge. Outside, I lean on my wall again. I inhale the dark, heavy, water laden night air with each drag I take on my cigarette. I chase around those bloody memories with huge swallow after huge swallow from my sweet glass bottle. Gulp. I never had a wife. Gulp. I never had a Scotty. Gulp. I never had a John Jr. Gulp. I never had a baby girl. Gulp. I never had a house. Gulp. I never went to jail. Gulp. I never was in any war, and gulp, I am not here killing myself slowly with nicotine and alcohol. I toss the empty bottle into the garbage can, its prison. That's it, I can go to bed now.

Eyes (repost from 02 / '05)

Eys Blink lazily and gaze curiously
at life. Eyes reveal much, they
blaze angrily, sparkle happily, shoot
poison darts into one's soul, darken
and smoulder with affection.

Eyes become bloodshot from alcohol,
insomnia, and bleeding tears. A shade
is drawn behind the eyes of the
stoned and the eyes of evil.
Eyes tell the truth when lips tell lies.

Eyes drink the sight of a loved one,
they are mirrors of the soul. Eyes
swim in tears when they see hatred
in a loved one's eyes. Eyes mock,
eyes lock, eyes escape verbal block.

Eyes recieve the visions of death and
destruction humanity punishes humanity
with. Eyes register pain, reflect pain,
radiate desperation. Eyes contain prison
bars, wrap their sight around guns and
bombs, take in fallen houses and hungry
orphans digging through garbage cans. Eyes
see; eyes don't see the Truth.

_________________________________________________

Warning Against Satan
"I enjoin upon you fear of Allah Who has left no excuse against what He has warned,
has exhausted arguement (of guidance) about the (right) path He has shown. He has warned you of an enemy that steals into hearts and stealthily speaks into ears, and thereby misguides and brings under destruction, makes (false) promises and keeps under wrong impression, he represents evil sins in attractive shape, and shows as light even serious crimes. When he has deceived his comrades and exhausted the pledge he begins to find fault with what he presented as good, and considers serious what he had shown as light, and threatens from what he had shown as safe." -Imam Ali (a.s.) Nahjol-Balagha

Dabbling

New Blog

I am currently working on a blog, Date Palm and Olive Orchards Meet Local Honey Farms. It is a recipe blog and I am gradually adding recipes that my family likes, and as we get tired of one, I'll keep on adding the new ones that pass the twin test, or that I like. I have posted recipes here before, but I decided I want them all in one place. I can't find a book that is specifically for the purpose of writing your own tried, adjusted and true recipes. Hence the blog. I like that I can tag them and pull up entire categories at once, decorate it, incorporate links to other useful nutritional and culinary sites, and embed inspirational nutritional advice from celestial sources. In fact, it does more than a hard cookbook could, and the next time we move, I won't have that extra weight to carry along with me.

Wordless Wednesday: Where There's Water...

...oh, be still mine heart, and swift mine feet!

SECRETS OF THE HEAD-COVERING SISTERHOOD

The following article serves as the grand finale for this wonderful, funny, passionate, incredibly real, inspiring and enlightening blog carnival.

Covered Life Gives New Perspective

I don't know about you all, but I had a moving experience searching for and gathering the wonderful writings of a diverse group of women who cover their hair for religious reasons. I am so fired up now. I'm actually contemplating what will be the topic of my next blog carnival. I loved the process of seeking and meeting other women who each possess and express profound insights into the practice of headcovering for the pleasure of their Lord. All of them have one thing in common, they are genuinely sincere in their faith and covering their heads is something that brings them happiness. Each of them leads a full life and views her head coverings as only one aspect of her multifaceted existance. Although the practice of covering one's head in order to honor one's God is quite controversial, there are vast numbers of Jewish, Christian and Muslim women who practice it in some context every day. Some of their stories are passionate, some are hilarious, some are more serious and others simply show how their headcovering of choice is worn. For those of you who are looking for a place to purchase head coverings, I even provided a short list of online stores that sell a wide selection of different colors, sizes and styles.

May peace and loving arms surround all my readers always.

The Blog Carnival has Arrived!

I intended this to be an award for all contributers to this carnival, to post on their own blogs. But then I checked to see if the code works, and the answer is "no." So, if you want to, you can go to Image Chef yourself, and type in the appropriate words and get the code to embed it on your blog, in your sidebar, or wherever. I thought it was cute, because each growing flower represents a covered head, rising to the occasion to speak for herself.

Thanks to the beautiful sisters who contributed to this blog carnival, here they are. I want you all to know how much I appreciate your contributions.

Safiya Outlines: A beautiful Muslim sister.

Walking in His Footsteps: tkmuskrat: Modest Fashion Cents: Beautiful Christian sisters.

Recovering Christians: Kristen Mom of 3: Kristen Mom of 3 : Beautiful Jewish sisters.

I will continue adding to this list all week, either from sisters who volunteer, or by the results of my own surfing. If you still want to contribute a particular post, please drop your links in the comments box. Thanks.

Here are the results of my own surfing. This carnival is scheduled to continue growing all week, so keep checking back.

BEAUTIFUL JEWISH SISTERS

Frum Phillie Farm Girl

Kressel's Korner

Leah Country

Mama Deb

Modesty Blase

Recovering Christians

Ruchel J.

Seeking the Narrow Way

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTERS

A Covered Sister

A Godly Maiden

Little Steps Home

Nun Blog

Maggie

Testimony of Grace

Veiled Glory

BEAUTIFUL MUSLIM SISTERS

A Voice in the Clouds

Digging for Knowledge

Hijabs High

Living in Layla Land

Lucky Fatima

Masooma

People I Meet

Ramblings of the Not So Sane

Rolling Ruminations

WHY I COVER MY HAIR

by Jenna

"First and most important, I cover my hair because Allah told the believing women to cover in the Quran.

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear therof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, or their brothers' sons or their sisters' sons, or their women or the servants whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers, turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss.” (Quran 24:31).

“O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close around them. That will be better, so that they may be recognised (as believers) and not be annoyed. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (Quran 33:59)

“O you Children of Adam! We have bestowed on you raiment to cover your shame as well as to be an adornment to you. But the raiment of righteousness, that is the best. Such are among the Signs of Allah, that they may receive admonition.” (Quran 7:26)

Second, I cover my hair because as an American muslimah it invites other American women to ask me about Islam. This helps to clear some misconceptions that some people might have about Islam or Muslims. I am often asked if I feel oppressed. Or if I have to walk behind my husband.

Third, covering my hair has made me feel more like a person and less of a sex object. Most men think of hair as alluring. So by not displaying my beauty I'm not encouraging men to gawk at me. Covering also actually makes me feel more attractive for my husband. Because he is the only one who can see something as simple as my arm."

ONLINE HEADCOVERING STORES

Christian Headcoverings

Clothes and Stuff

Cover Your Hair

Glam Doily

Happy Homestead

Middle Eastern Mall

Veiled By Design

NOTE: To all the beautiful sisters who previously left me comments saying that they want to contribute to this carnival, I will extend your deadline until Friday so you can still contribute a link of your choice. If you don't, I will assume that life held you up and you just didn't get a chance to do it, or maybe it completely slipped your mind. On Friday, however, I just might visit your blog and see if you have anything written that compliments the carnival and choose from random posts that you wrote on the subject in the past. I want to ensure that you still get the "link love" you deserve. Peace to all the dear sisters in religiously inspired head-coverings.